Happy Relationships and ADHD Connections

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happy relationships and adhd

 

According to a recent Harvard Study shared in the Wall Street Journal, our connection with others is the most beneficial impact on the longevity of our lives.

“Through all the years of studying these lives, one crucial factor stands out for the consistency and power of its ties to physical health, mental health and longevity. Contrary to what many people might think, it’s not career achievement, or exercise, or a healthy diet. Don’t get us wrong; these things matter. But one thing continuously demonstrates its broad and enduring importance: good relationships.”

 

Relationships are complex. With ADHD in the mix, even more so. Symptoms can impact partners, friends, family, and colleagues. Emotional regulation can cause people to feel disconnected and hurt. Adding structure to our lives can connect us with those we love and care about.

 

Foundations to connection

Your values show up in your relationships.  Authenticity, respect, and honesty are important when in a relationship. Respect is when we accept someone for who they are, even if they are different in how they think or look. This feels like trust, safety, and well-being and is communicated by the appropriate tone of language, physical touch, and attentive listening. At times symptoms of ADHD can be viewed as disrespectful. Executive function challenges like impulsivity and emotional regulation can interfere. Knowing about these challenges helps both partners navigate when this happens.

Respect is fostered by boundaries. Boundaries are the limits we put in place, whether mental, emotional, physical, or more. These are the expectations stated to start and stay in respectful relationships. To be in a relationship with anyone, with ADHD or not, means to have stated what is okay and what is not. Healthy boundaries are a part of every positive relationship.

 

Strategies that foster communication and connection

In the busy times we live in, having a structure for communicating and connecting makes relationships intentional.

 

Build structure in your daily life that reinforces communication. Time allocated as together time prioritizes your family and partner. Family dinner together is a powerful connection. Each evening you gather to discuss, process, and applaud each other. This time together empowers all of the family as individuals and creates unity as a team. You and your partner might also choose a daily check-in time with calendars after dinner to be sure home and work run smoothly. Make dinner time not so much about the specific foods you are eating as the time together.

 

A weekly structure can include a weekly family meeting and weekly date night for partners. A weekly family meeting opens up communication and coordinates schedules for everyone. Your family calendar is where to find dates and details of family life. End your family meeting with fun. Your weekly date night gives you and your partner time away from the daily conversations and offers you opportunities for new activities and adventure.

 

Strategies that support self-care

Practice self-care that empowers good communication. Knowing what you need for your own self-care, whether that is time away from family you love in order to reset, helps you do your best with relationships. Strong self-care starts with a good night’s rest, setting time to step away and pause, and knowing your productivity patterns.

 

At times the best self-care comes with delegating. We can’t do it all and we shouldn’t. Having a cleaning person, laundry person, lawn person, or virtual assistant are all supportive self-care for all the extra tasks that need to be done at home and work.  Finding specific solutions for specific situations sets up a solution-minded framework. When you feel supported, you can do your best with what matters most.

 

Gathering support

There are many ways to gather support for you and your partner. Therapy, coaching, and support groups are available both in person and virtually to support you in your relationships. These professionals are available to help you learn more about ADHD and ADHD symptoms as well as anxiety and co-existing conditions. They will help you recognize skills and focus on working from your strengths.

 

 

How to Start the Week Strong with Sunday Night Routines

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Sunday night routines

 

The transition from a relaxing weekend to a busy week can be stressful. Labeled “Sunday scaries,” many families experience a sense of dread on Sunday evening. There are ways that organization can help! You can start the week off strong with a positive Sunday evening routine.

 

Begin with a Sunday start to the week mindset

As much as Sunday evening is the end of the weekend, it is also a fresh start to the week. Note your perspective that your week starts here rather than Monday morning. Embracing routines that reinforce this mindset helps you prepare for your week. A Sunday evening family dinner or family meeting set the stage for this transition as you meet together as a family and talk about the week ahead.

 

Create a Sunday evening routine

A Sunday evening routine helps you focus and prepare for the week ahead. Start in the late afternoon with your routine. Plan ahead for an early bedtime and prepare ahead of time for this for you and your family. Prepare your materials for work or school and prepare lunch for the next day. Review your calendar for Monday. Wind down by reading or journaling. Your Sunday night routine includes calming self-care. That self-care carries over to emotional regulation.

 

Host a Sunday night reset

Throughout the week and over the weekend, life is busy and stuff gets disorganized. Wrangle it all back to where it goes with a Sunday night reset. That is when you pick up, put away, and place everything back. The Sunday night reset helps you start the week freshly organized.

 

Plan self-care for the week ahead

Planning self-care for the week ahead makes your week easier.  Of course, there will be much to do, however knowing when you will be going to an exercise class, taking a walk, or doing yoga or pilates, help you balance the stress of the week with relaxation. Look ahead to your schedule for the week and write in your self-care.

 

Write stuff down on a master list

Take a few minutes to capture all the thoughts, actions, projects, and any other tasks on a list. Clearing your head will lessen anxiety. Use this list during your weekly planning time and time block your tasks. Weekly planning time gives you a specific time to get organized, prioritize, and manage all your projects well.

 

Say no to distractions on Sunday evening

It is tempting to numb on Sunday evening with a late night of streaming services or looking at social media. Know the value of making a plan and sticking to that. Your work-life integration will be what benefits you most.

 

End your weekend with calm and start the week strong with a Sunday night routine.

In Celebration of Get Organized Month, Make it Easy for Your Family to be Organized

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make it easy for your family to be organized

 

Family organizing is a service I especially love! Often I hear about the most disorganized people in the family, the areas that are most disorganized, and the impact of disorganization. This year make it easy for your family to be organized.

 

Declutter together

Get a quick start on family organization with a big declutter together. Everyone grabs a bag, goes to their spaces, and makes decisions about their stuff. However, this is hard! Parents have spent money on things, kids have not used stuff, and then there are memories associated with stuff. Be bold and let go of more than you can imagine.

  • Set a time on your calendar to declutter twice in the month of January so that you can let go of as much as possible.
  • Make it easy by setting a timer for 30 minutes, loading all the bags into the car immediately, and offering a snack at the end of the session.
  • Set a time once a month to declutter and keep a designated donation bin available for everyone all year.

Ask your family what was most difficult to let go of and what was easiest to release. Encourage and coach each other.

 

Meet for a Family Meeting

A family meeting brings everyone together for communication, calendaring, and connection. Make it easy with a short agenda (dates, responsibility reminders on a chart, and quick decisions) and make it fun (meet while standing, meet with crazy glasses, meet with music.) Make sure you meet weekly to keep things running smoothly. If you get off track, start right back up again. A google calendar for everyone gives you all the opportunity to post dates and be proactive. Everyone likes to be informed about fun!

 

Chart instead of chat

As families, we do a lot of “did you remember” and “don’t forget.” Skip that with charts. Use charts in a variety of ways, whether it is a responsibility chart for who does what or a menu for what is for dinner. Charts make stuff visible.

Routines reinforce charts so place your chart where you see it daily as a reminder. Charts can be on a dry-erase board, a clipboard, or a laminated checklist attached to the items needed to do the work or printed to recycle after use.

 

Have a rule for bedtime

Be sure everyone is getting a good night’s rest! Good sleep hygiene can make it easier to get to sleep. That includes setting a time all devices are charging, everyone is in their jammies, and people are doing their restful routine. Parents need a bedtime too!

 

Make it a routine to reset

There is a weekly remedy that is failproof for easy organizing! That is a weekly reset. Much of what is needed is to toss trash and get everything back to its place. Busy families need time to reset each week. Each Sunday evening set a time and use a timer for 15 minutes of reset. Your home will be surprisingly organized very easily!

 

Get everyone on board with being organized by focusing on individual benefits and a team approach to organizing your home. Working together, supporting each other, and connecting about priorities make it easy to be organized.

 

ADHD Friendly Tips for Connection

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adhd friendly tips for connection

 

The value of connection is priceless for all of us. During the pandemic, relationships are what kept us moving forward. For those with ADHD, connection is the solution for support. That connection includes work with colleagues, daily life with family and friends, and those around us in our environment. There are many ways to do this, and here is a short ADHD- friendly list to help you.  We know that these connections empower us and enhance our lives.

 

Double up

Make connections by doubling up on both connection and another positive activity. Take a walk or an exercise class with a friend. You are getting exercise and connecting.

Do it now

Thinking of a friend? Send a quick text just to say hello.

 

Dinner time

Work to have a regular dinner time multiple times a week and always once on the weekend. Do not worry so much about what you are serving as making sure everyone comes to the table to talk. Talk about the highs and lows of the day to know more about everyone’s emotions that day.

 

Family meeting

Family meetings promote communication and organization. Host a weekly meeting for your family to talk about calendars, responsibilities, and upcoming holidays.

 

Communicate gratitude

Sadly, and rarely, do we hear about the beauty of a friendship. Share the impact that person has on you and the strengths of that person when you connect. Being grateful moves us toward happiness. Be someone else’s cheerleader today.

 

Remember a birthday

Just a quick text or a snail mail card makes a difference for you and your connection. Keep a list of birthdays and a stash of cards to send at the beginning or end of the month for all the birthdays coming up or just passed.

Play games online

Online games connect you to others with the same interest and in the global community. Join in the games with your kiddos.

 

Join a book club

Book clubs are where people are enjoying books and connecting.

Connect through spirituality

Our communities are filled with those practicing spirituality at temples, synagogues, mosques, and churches. Reach out to those with similar paths, attend, and join a community. These foundations have many activities to connect to others regularly.

 

Use social media wisely

Connect with others on social media positively. Often there are groups to join with common interests. Set a time to sparingly join online to prevent hyperfocus.

 

Volunteer

We make connections when helping others. Volunteer and do good while connecting.

 

Connection is so important that it should be a time block on your calendar. Take time this week for one small step.

 

 

 

ADHD Friendly Tips for Successful Family Meetings

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adhd friendly family meeting tips

 

Family meetings are a part of weekly organizing and productivity. Communicating what is coming up, preparing for activities and academics, and discussing family engagement are key reasons to be sure you host your meeting. At times the meeting gets bogged down or skipped entirely. Here are ideas on how to keep your family meeting moving forward and valuable.

Create a consistent agenda

Every meeting needs a great agenda. That is true for your family meeting.  According to Psychology Today, here are some valuable topics.

  • What happened last week and how did it go
  • What’s happening this week and future/holiday plans
  • Old stuff that needs a family decision
  • New stuff that needs a family decision
  • Money stuff
  • Family stuff
  • Taking care of our stuff

Pro tip: If your family loses interest, shorten the agenda to three topics.

 

Keep it short

Every meeting becomes yawn-worthy when it takes too long. You, your partner, and all your family will appreciate brevity.  Know the meeting priorities, keep a high level, and use visual aids as needed for your meeting.

Pro tip: Play Beat the Clock to energize your meeting. Set the timer and keep your session ahead of schedule. Everyone will stay on track with this tip. 

 

Add interest and fun

Just the word meeting can make this time together less fun.  Shake it up with fun! Fun can mean a special dessert or a family activity that concludes the meeting.

Pro tip: Use wacky ways to add fun, including Crazy Hats or a Walk and Talk meeting. You can meet at different locations inside and outside your home. 

 

Schedule regularly

Consistent family meetings help everyone maintain consistent communication. When you host this meeting weekly, you have more up-to-date information and better communication. Find the best time to meet and meet at that time regularly.

Pro tip: You may need to try different times of the week to meet or rotate the days of the week. The goal is to meet weekly. 

 

Rotate responsibilities

Share the responsibilities of leadership with your family.  You are building leadership with your children leading the meeting. One person can be a scribe to add information to the family calendar. When you share the responsibilities, kids also have more buy-in for the meeting. Your kids enjoy the fun of being in charge. One person can be the time keeper to be sure the meeting starts and ends on time.

Pro tip: Establish a pattern to share the roles between your family so everyone knows the expectations and when roles will change. 

 

Always remember that the goal of your family meeting is to connect. No matter if you complete the agenda or have an agreement on the next family event, you are modeling and nurturing connection.

 

 

Teaching your Teen Time Management

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teaching your teen time management

 

 

Your kids have known how to tell time since elementary school.  But even with this background, as teens, they are late, don’t get chores completed, and may turn in assignments late to school.  Time management is more than just knowing how to read a clock.  It’s a struggle for teens to know what to do and how to get things done with time management.

 

According to Psychology Today, time management is just one of the four most critical areas for teens today.  With the level of brain development, teens are not fully equipped for time management.  Because brain development continues into the twenties, teens benefit from our coaching them with time management through high school and college.  Teens are unsure of what to do first, how long it will take to complete, and how to get started.  Teen time management includes coaching in prioritizing, initiation and procrastination, and duration of a task or project.

 

Prioritizing

What’s important and should be done first? That’s a question not only teens struggle with.  Parents don’t always agree on this between themselves.  How do we know what’s most important? It can be a matter of focus for all of us.  However,  you can help your child make these decisions by helping them process what needs to be done.

  • Encourage your teen to write down their priorities. For most kids that includes school grades, friends, church, and activities. If there are too many priorities, too many sports, or too many extracurricular activities, you can coach them to understand just how much time it takes for each activity.
  • Grid out with your kids the time available and where their priorities fit on the grid. Time blocking works well because kids can see what they have to do and when they will be doing it. That includes time for self care like sleep too. Using a paper or digital planner makes time more visual.
  • Set aside time to plan. Weekly planning time with their planner each Sunday or Monday gives your teen time to acknowledge everything that is on their plate and also record due dates. With so much information coming in by text and social media, they need time to consolidate it all in one place.

 

Initiation and Procrastination

Getting started on a task can be the hardest part of any project. Also known as initiation, those with executive function challenges find planning engaging but getting started more difficult. Procrastination can be from fear, lack of skill, or lack of motivation.

  • Plan an initiation strategy. For many, the “warm-up” to the project is gathering the materials, reviewing the instructions, or checking online with others in the class. Creating your own “warm-up” strategy will help for all upcoming assignments.
  • Make it fun to get started.  Find an innovative way to start a project.  You can add in technology or a gadget, work with a partner, or create a new perspective on the project.
  • Schedule the time to start a project. At that time, use a timer, set for 15 minutes, to help you get started.
  • Brainstorm the costs of procrastination. What’s at stake? What will happen? What are the consequences of not getting started soon enough? Coach your student through this process to verbalize the costs.
  • Set up a compelling, organized environment.  A clear workspace, quiet or white noise, and easy to access school supplies make it easier to get started.

Duration

We don’t know how long it takes to get a specific task done. But we do know that we can guess and set a time on our calendar to get a task done.

  • Help your teen create routines that take just 5 minutes. Making their bed, placing laundry in the basket, and putting trash away are 3 small tasks that take less than 5 minutes altogether. Your teen might think these take much longer. Write out routines with only 3 steps so that your teen isn’t overwhelmed.
  • Create more time awareness with more analog clocks.  Clocks should be in all your spaces to be sure you are gauging your time.
  • Your teen can set a timer when they start a task. Clocking the time will help them know how long a task takes.
  • Break big projects or tasks into baby steps.  Map out small sections of a project, and assign a time and date to accomplish them.  Nothing seems as overwhelming when it’s broken into smaller chunks.

 

Transition time

Building in transition time helps your teen be on time. That is the time that is between activities and moving from place to place. Your teen may not allow enough time to get ready, get to school, or clock in for a job. Coach your teen on how much time it takes to drive from home to school, then set use a timer to realistically learn the amount of time it takes. Having sufficient transit time helps your tee feel more confident and less stressed.

 

Tools for time management

Planners

 

Focusing apps

 

On your smartphone

  • Clock with timer for getting started and timing how long a task takes
  • Pandora playlist for organizing or homework time
  • Notes for making lists
  • Reminders and more tech

 

It takes practice, practice, and practice to learn the skills of time management. Don’t get impatient with your teen about how long it takes.  Every experience is a learning opportunity here.

 

 

 

Healthy Habits and Morning Routines for ADHD

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healthy adhd habits and morning routines

October is National ADHD Awareness Month.

To “celebrate” this month, I am sharing 4 very important habits for living your best life with ADHD

in 4 blog posts throughout the month.

 

Establishing a successful habits and positive morning routines make for a great day! Successful habits are those that are consistent.  A positive morning routines gives you the foundation for a productive day. A smart morning routine consists of a series of habits.

 

Prepare and organize the night before.

A productive day always starts the night before with preparation. Mornings can be less stressful when you are already set up for success.  Being ready to go in the morning means having your backpack or bag packed with everything already stashed in it.

Pro tips to prepare:

  • As your kids get in the door, unload and reload athletic bags and lunch boxes.
  • The final step for homework is to load the backpack and place it by the exit door.
  • Connect your and your kids’ devices to the central charging spot by 8 pm.
  • Everyone do a quick calendar check to be sure there are no surprises the next day.

 

Simplify meal prep.

Easy, quick and on the go food insures good nutrition. Protein is most important for everyone to do their best.

Pro tips to meal prep:

  • Set up a lunch station for your kids to pack their lunches. Use pantry and refrigerator bins to stay organized.
  • Pack lunch primarily the night before. Most items can be grouped together so lunch is all set.
  • Prep breakfast and keep breakfast simple. Breakfast could include healthy fruits and nuts, a smoothie, or a microwave egg bite. Stay away from sugary cereals or carbohydrates.
  • Limit the meal options. Rotate the what is offered rather than give a range of options at a single meal.

 

Build in extra time for your morning routines.

Distractions and sluggishness slow down you and your family in the morning. It is unlikely that everyone in your family is a morning person.  Not to worry – add in extra time for your morning routine.

Pro tips for extra time:

  • Give everyone extra time to get up. Be sure there are multiple alarms set. Use alarms like the Sonic Boom to help wake deep sleepers or use wake up light with Sunrise alarm clocks.
  • Be proactive about time awareness. Allow three times as much time as you think to eat breakfast or get dressed. Work backwards to set time lines for leaving the house to arrive on time at work and school.
  • Take medications immediately upon waking up to kick in as you and your family are getting ready.

 

Set early bedtimes for everyone.

Getting to sleep and getting rest are difficult for those with ADHD. Setting an earlier than required bedtime means you will be prepared to rest regardless of whether you fall asleep quickly.

Pro tips for best rest:

  • Place everyone’s devices in the common charging station earlier than you think.
  • Use a gratitude practice, meditation and prayer before bed as a transition to bedtime.
  • Keep consistent for the time of bedtime each day. You might need to leave early from an event in order to keep consistent.
  • Know what works best for you and your family.

 

Place visual reminders to help your routine.

Hair brush, tooth brush and grooming tools can be strategically placed for everyone to look and feel their best before they leave.

Pro tips for looking your best:

  • Keep your kids’ grooming tools in first floor area to get this done immediately after eating and before leaving.
  • Organize your grooming tools for easy access. That includes make up and hair products for kids and parents.
  • Check lists for grooming, writing on a mirror or post it notes are visual reminders for each step of grooming.

 

Remember what not to do in the morning.

If you have one thing that immediately takes you off track, be sure you eliminate this. Once you go this direction, you know your routine will be off track.

  • Check email
  • Turn on the tv
  • Play a video game

 

Your morning routine will take a bit of work and time to become consistent. Don’t worry if it takes longer than you think. Recognize baby steps and successes for everyone!

Back to School Tips for Meal Prepping and Planning

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Back to school meal prep and planning

 

Back to school time is the time for easy family meals, simple healthy lunches, and fast breakfasts to get you all out the door. What’s behind our meal planning goals? We want to have time together to share the joy, gratitude, and struggles of the day. Healthy meals make our bodies and brains work best. However, we don’t want to be spending so much time in the kitchen alone, being solely responsible for meal planning and feeling exhausted at the end of it all.  Check out these quick, easy and simple solutions.

 

Team up

No one wants to be left in the kitchen alone. Parents feel frustrated when they make dinner and everyone moves the food around their plates. Create a family responsibility chart for cooking and clean up. Make each part fun with music and friendly conversation. Have everyone add to the online grocery list to keep everyone in on decisions. Use simple recipes everyone in your family can all cook or do meal prep together where people are mixing and chopping to make dinner.  It all comes down to finding ways to get everyone together.

Order online

There are lots of ways to order online to make meal prep easier. Start by looking in your local grocery store to order online. There are lots of pre-made salads that can be packed for lunch or eaten at home for dinner. Grocery stores offer prepped meals to simplify your cooking. Use online Costco, Amazon or Instacart subscriptions for bulky weekly purchases like toilet paper and paper towels. Meal subscription services offer variety of options. Choose what is the best fit for your needs. You can subscribe to a variety of these and place these on pause to change things up. Just make sure you order on the same day weekly and plan on the time your delivery is occurring to put away the items.

Use multipliers

Doubling up can make cooking easier.  Cook once and eat twice by double recipes and freezing the second casserole. Or cook a protein and use it in two different entrees. Sheet pan dinners make large portions with ease. One bowl meals are a hit with families using beans, rice and a protein. Multipliers give you options for multiple ways to feed your family with multiple outcomes for variety. Find one multiplier you can multiply.

 

Be pantry prepared and freezer ready

There is a lot in your pantry that makes dinner preparation easy. Easy pantry meals include canned proteins, such as tuna or chickpeas.  Group your items in your pantry together by meal to “see” ready to go, pantry raid meals. Or organize your pantry like the grocery store and pull items onto the counter that day you are preparing.

 

Organize your freezer so that you have easy meals to go from freezer to oven.  If your tight on freezer space, organize the shelves with flat containers stacked for dinner. Use a dry erase board with a list of freezer meals.

 

Sandwiches are for breakfast, lunch, snack or dinner.  A variety of breads can simplify your meals. There are so many options including avocado toast, grilled cheese, nut butter toast, and more!

 

Rely on organization

Get organized and set up a team strategy for preparation. Create a routine that your family packs their own lunches and preps breakfast the night before.  A station with bins and baskets with ready to go food, stocked up weekly, will keep your meal prep running smoothly.

 

Chart your course

Family dinner charts are everywhere on pinterest. Dinner by day, dinner theme days or a dinner grid take away the decision making.  Ask your family and create a rotation meal options.  In this way, everyone is part of the decision making.

 

Remember your dinner goals and keep it simple. Pause and give yourself a moment to gather your thoughts and your team when you get home. Happy times come from these dinners together.

 

 

 

 

Organizing for Sleep Away Camp

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organizing for sleep away camp

This summer our kids are back to getting outdoors, helping those in need, continuing their spiritual journey and learning new skills at sleep away camp.  All of these kiddo adventures require getting organized, planning ahead, and packing.  Here’s your strategy for organizing for sleep away camp.

 

Check protocols first

The CDC is offering precautions and protocols this summer. Each state may have different requirements. Many of these include testing and vaccinations. Updates happen a lot right now so be sure to stay in touch with the leadership of your camp, school or youth group to know what to do and when to do it.

Get THE list

No matter what the event, there’s a list for you!   Start early because the list may require some purchasing and definitely requires organizing.  The list is available usually from the camp, from the group leader, by email or online.  Your list is usually customized for the activities your kiddo will be participating in.  Be sure each item is labelled with your kiddo’s name.

  • It may be tempting to add more to the list than what is required. Less is more when it comes to packing.
  • Check on whether there is a theme for certain days in order to include these items.
  • Have your child help you pack. That way they know what they are bringing and what they have to wear.
  • Check on what is permissible for electronics. If permitted, remember to send charging for the devices.
  • Learn the sleeping arrangements ahead of time.  This way you know whether to pack sheets or a sleeping bag.
  • Purchase extra medicines for the duration of your kiddo’s time away.
  • Bring a little bit of home. Having a little reminder, a note from you, helps remind your kiddo how loved they are and how special too.
  • If no list for your specific camp, use this.

Easy packing tips

Make it easy to stay packed or get unpacked while your kiddo is at camp.

  • Keep sets together in ziploks or packing cubes. Label ziploks by day or theme.
  • There are many options for travel toiletries.  There are pre-packed kits and toiletry organizers.  Create a travel go kit of toiletries including soap, shampoo, toothbrush, toothpaste and other hygiene products. Purchase sample size toiletries to keep luggage light. Whichever you choose, make it easy to travel to and from the bathroom.
  • Send disposal items that can be left behind when repacking at the end of camp.
  • Make sure medicines are well labelled in original containers with specific instructions.
  • Make sure the backpack and luggage can be toted by your kiddo.  They will be responsible for getting this to their sleeping spot.  Camp trunks can be heavy and hard to wrangle so be prepared.
  • Send a small backpack that can be used for day excursions.
  • Packing to be just prepared enough is the goal for sleep away camping.

 

If you are the chaperone or attending sleep away camp too, spend just as much time on your preparations too!  The more organized and prepared you are, the more fun you will have.

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Add Structure to Your Family Schedule

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how ot add structure to your family schedule

Structure is defined as constructing or arranging according to a plan. It is to give a pattern for your time and your space. Families operate best with a structure in place for how they live and work together in their home. Without structure, your family feels haphazard and chaotic.

What exactly is structure? It is specific rules and routines that focus on maintaining consistent times for actions within your family.  Structure can help every family feel a sense of togetherness, a sense of belonging and a sense of well being.  Here are a few ideas on how to add structure to your family structure.

 

Identify the rules that are the structure of your family.
All families work best with rules and routines. Those rules detail bedtime, meal time, household responsibilities and respect for each other. It also delineates what spaces are used to do what activities.
Create rules for yourself and your family that reinforce the values you hold.  For example, families that value productivity and timeliness often have bedtime rules.  Whatever rules you create, be sure you are as specific as possible, focus on specific behaviours as examples and should be realistic to be accomplished.

Putting structure into place

Structure thrives when there is consistency, predictability and follow through with actions. Often these are the most difficult parts behind structure.  Consistently heading to bed at a set time or having regular meal times as a family can be derailed because of distractions like electronics, chronic lateness or any other activity.  The best ways to achieve consistency is by setting that time as sacred with a strong stop time before that.  The more consistent you are, the more predictable everyone’s life is.  Knowing that there is no other option, that the structure can’t be denied, then life proceeds calmly.  Follow through may be difficult in the moment because of distractions.  However, the more you adhere to the rules and the plan, the easier follow through becomes. These three actions are interrelated and lead to your success.

 

When to start creating structure

If your family life lacks order, now is the time to start creating structure.  As a parent, you establish daily routines including school for your family.  Your daily self care routines are important.

  • Start small. The best starting point is having a structure for bedtime.  This way you are getting a great night’s rest.
  • Get input and buy in from your family.  Hosting a discussion during a family meeting helps everyone be heard and creates a collaborative strategy.
  • Create house rules within your structure so that everyone works as a team to embrace the structure.
  • With work from home, establish and post a schedule for your day. Be sure your work day ends to permit family time together.
  • Use automated devices to help you with structure for self care.  Alexa, Siri and Google Home can all be programmed to share your routine.

 

Structure is not easy to accomplish however well worth the investment in time and energy.